9 things you should know about my {adopted} daughter

October 1, 2013 in Domestic Adoption by   |  3 Comments

9 things you should know about my {adopted} daughter

  1. She knows she is adopted. Please don’t whisper about it in front of her. She doesn’t know it because we are an interracial family and her parents look nothing like her, she knows it because we talk about it. She knows it because it’s not shameful to know, because she’s proud of where she came from.
  2. She’s pretty, but you don’t have to remind her. When you look at her, and look at me and look at her again and say to me, “oh she’s so pretty!!” we appreciate it but we think you really mean, “oh, she’s so adopted!” Because that’s what it sounds like to us.
  3. Her siblings are her real siblings. They really really are, I promise you. They fight in the backseat, they vie for our attention, they love each other unconditionally. They have the same parents. They are really siblings.
  4. No one ‘gave her up.’ Our daughter’s birth parents made the most selfless decision of their lives, undoubtedly, when they made an adoption plan for their daughter. They did the opposite of give up on her, they found a way to give her a life they could not provide.
  5. She does not fit into any stereotype about her race. None. Just don’t say them. My daughter is a wonderful artist and a graceful gymnast. The end.
  6. She has ears. That means when you say something hurtful about people of her race, about the composition of her family or about how she came into our home she can hear you. She’s seven. Be mindful of your words .
  7. She didn’t cost a penny. We paid attorney fees, agency fees, airline fees and government fees but we did not pay for our child.
  8. She’s not ashamed of who she is. She’s proud to tell you where she came from and that she has a birth mom and a birth dad in another country who love her. She’s proud to tell you that one day we are going to look for her (and yes, she has our blessing!).
  9. She is ours in every sense of the word. Heart, mind, soul and legally, she is our daughter. We never doubted that for a second.
Posted in Domestic Adoption.

3 Responses to 9 things you should know about my {adopted} daughter

  1. Becca says:

    That was beautiful.
    So real and soulful.
    Clearly you are a family and you are wonderful, guiding parents to not just this child but all of your children.
    It is refreshing to read and I hope many parents see it how you do.

  2. Melissa Cooley says:

    After thinking about this for a while, a 10th one came to me: We are very lucky to have her in our family. Her becoming part of our family was not borne out of a desire to “save” some poor child. It was to become parents, and the fact that she is our daughter is something that is a blessing to us each and every day.

  3. Elise Freier says:

    Well done Kara! We feel as though grace is part of our family too!

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