When it doesn’t matter who is adopted

February 25, 2013 in Domestic Adoption by Stephen Gardner  |  1 Comments

I had an interesting experience not too long ago- one of my biological children forgot he was my biological child and mentioned being adopted in passing. It was awesome. For those outside the adoption world this is insanity. So, it doesn’t matter who is adopted. How could my intelligent, street smart 8 year old son not remember he was our biological child? Was he kidding? How could he not see the physical differences between him and his Korean siblings? See the similarity in personality to his parents and his biological brother?

When it doesn’t matter who is adopted

For those of us in the adoption community this may not be so surprising. Your family forgets, the child forgets, YOU forget who you gave birth to (I am actually guilty of this one as well- I have tried to remember one of my adopted children’s births on numerous occasions only to remember that I wasn’t there!). It is difficult to explain though- both to people who are not in an adoptive family and for those who are considering adoption.  Every day I am told by prospective adoptive parents that they are nervous about the love they will feel for an adopted child and every day I try to explain that it just doesn’t matter how your child gets to you, you will love them the same. That’s a hard realization to make.

This is our normal though. We don’t love our children differently. We don’t wake up every morning and see their faces- who look nothing like ours- and remember that they did not grow in our womb. When we get a call from school that they are sick, we run. When they wake in the middle of the night from a nightmare we dry their tears. When we bawl at their Kindergarten graduation, it is real.

Of course adoption matters in a host of other areas but in day to day life it just doesn’t.

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About Stephen Gardner

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One Response to When it doesn’t matter who is adopted

  1. Melanie says:

    I love this. I remember being a kid hanging out with my two adopted siblings and also forgetting that they were not my bio sibs…didn’t matter that we had different colors of skin…I thought I was hispanic just like them! lol! To a kid and to the parents who love them all that matters is that you are a family.

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